Going to church, and tithing is accepting that your life is not your own but simply that your life is a gift from God. And that we should live by faith.
That' is the hardest thing in my life.
That life is not simply seeing my own pleasures, giving in to my own desires. I can be so selfish, thinking that the money I have, belongs to me. Thinking that I earned this all, I deserve this. Yet, in the end in all the complexities I simply have to live by faith. But being willing to listen to what God has in store for you. How can a man understand the will of God.
Fighting against my own pride, my own greed, my own lusts.
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
So I'm kind of back to the daily grind of work, and again thinking about if I could go to China long term.
In short I went, it was eye opening, and one grand adventure, and the challenge as always is to keep focused on what I'm trying to do, before I get too caught up in my life and job back in the States.
I'm rather torn right now, as there's a couple of options.
#1 - Stay where I am, keep working, keep traveling with this company, and make the best of it. I'm kind of unsettled and restless, and need to feed this sense of wandering. Part of me is just sick of my life in Massachusetts, and barely have the energy to try and rebuild what so quickly slipped away with a bit of overt neglect. As well as the seasonal transitions.
#2 - Bite the bullet and go full force into going to China. Whether it's working for SMIC, where I'm kind of skeptical, but it looks like one grand adventure from Jimmy's website, or try and make it on my own. In any case the language thing keeps me kind of planted.
And this popped up while I was out there, which is kind of irking me as well.
#3 - Move back to California, work in the same job which I think I could probably do, but it's with a different company, and I'm unsure about how compatible I'd be there. But it'd be closer to my family, and closer to where I'd consider a place where I could settle long term. However it doesn't solve the community, nor the unsettledness issue. However I did get a call from the staffing department about a real job I could have there this week. So I need to decided pretty soon if I want to pursue this.
Perhaps this is my season of change.
Now if I could only just wake up!
Security Contractor = Mercenary
Unlawful Combatant = P.O.W.
Armed Gunmen = Government Soldier
I've been thinking a lot about this war being fought in Iraq. What's going on is far more complex than can be explained in sound bites and easy ideas, and it's as much a war of propaganda and perception, as much as it is a war fought with soldiers and guns. It's both the same as the past but unique in it's own way. History will ultimatley tell what the true motivations are.
Empires rise and fall. Progress and hope depend on looking forward, while learning the lessons of history. America will endure.
I think after 27 hours traveling and Seoul-Tokyo-Los Angeles-Boston connections. All coach, by my own strange choice. I think I'm back in Boston. Why do I do this?
Oh yeah, I love this stuff. And it's my job too.
Perhaps it's my life, the life I've chosen. I don't know, I pre-empted my return to go to Korea for a business trip.
I think most of my friends back in Massachusetts have all but forgotten about me and given up on seeing me. I wonder, if it's just that two week hump of traveling finally kicking in. Or the fact that Korea seems like it might be two more weeks, at least.
Amidst all the adventure of traveling, and the differences between roughing it for an economy vacation with a teaching/mentoring organization. And pretty much the luxuries of business travel. All I seem to want is to be home in my own bed. Sitting around drinking coffee on my own table, and amongst people who I can really call friends and family.
The trip was good,
Now to see if I can get back to my house. I don't know quite all the discussion's been going on while I've been gone, but did get to meet the same people I met with last time, taught them some more English, and made good friends.
Somehow we seemed so much more distant this time.
More to come.