"If we don't live by priorities, we will succumb to pressures"
Four years ago I went to a church retreat, where we laid out or lives on post-it notes across a large sheet of paper. On every post it note was written an event, a person, or a memory. I found it quite eye opening, and seemed to satisfy the logical reasoning visual mind in me. It's a different experience seeing your life put up in front of you.

Given that a lot of the people were right out of college, or still in college and hadn't experienced too much of the fullness of their lives, people got mixed results. I however found myself recharged and inspiried by the ordeal.

I'll have to go through what I said back then if I can find the sheet at all, and see what I remember, somthing about living a unified life. In a way I'm surprised at the ways that God has worked in my life.
- I've gone back to work in the semiconductor industry,
- I've renovated my house,
- I've gotten to know a good portion of the neighbors on Austin Park,
- I've traveled far more extensively than even I could have imagined.
In a way I have lived a unified life.

But in there is a lot of pain, rejection, abandonment and betrayal.
- I've still had good friends leave me.
- People with their differing priorities have moved on in life.
- My old boss went to seminary, and is still set on being a philosopher.
- The most wandering friend, settled down, got married, moved closer to his parents, bought a house, has a full time job now, and is well... starting a family.

Finding that my calling, my passion, my spiritual life, and my professional life have come together. In a way right now it's pointing in a lot of directions. I've made my fortune, I've traveled the world, I've built my house. Yet looking at it, I've found so much of what I've been striving for, unity, community, friendship, fellowship, church. It's all meaningless and empty.

I miss my family, the travel doesn't excite me anymore. I suppose my biggest fear is waking up some day in the future, surrounded by the filth of my existance and realizing that I'm alone in the world.

Thus, in a fit of rather goal-oriented determination. Yesterday, I asked a friend to lay out her life. She seemed to be in an pain avoidance mode. Thinking that such thinking is a short sighted view focused on self preservation, rather than embracing the richness of life. I chastised her, and said that she should set some goals, about what's important for her to do, and then all the little pressures in life, she'll find her own priorities to get it done. Surprisingly she embraced the challenge. I should do the same.

So looking at my life right now, and seeing just how reactionary it has become, where I'm making decisions based on short term thinking saving a dollar, and having it cost me ten. I need to sit back and again look at the values in my life, find out where my priorities are.

Thus I'm also embarking upon this exercise. As a way of doing decision making. Debating the three options which I've laid before me.

1) Staying here
2) Going to California
3) Going to China

Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear)

C G/B Am F C F G C
All I once held dear, built my life upon,
G/B Am F C Am G
All this world reveres and wars to own;
C F G C C/E F G Am / C
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
G/B Am F C Am Gsus4
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Chorus:
G F6 C F/G G C
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
Am Em/G F
There is no greater thing.
C/E F/A
You're my all, You're the best,
C/G F/A
You're my joy, my righteousness,
C/E F/A C/G G
And I love You Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Chorus

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

Chorus

©1993 Make Way Music