I'm on my way to China, for a vacation with the China Teaching Team, to continue what was begun last October.

Last weekend I went to a China job conference at MIT. My friend encouraged me to go, looking at the possibilities for both of us. Yet the feeling was mixed. I don't know if my friend will make it out to Shanghai as well. She talks about it, but I keep wondering if the nurturing aspect of her character, in search of comfort is coming out. Is a good business opportunity, is the same as a calling from God? The fears I project upon her, are a reflection of the same fears I have within myself. What was so clear last year, is no longer.

For me, the conference was disappointing yet I gave my resume to TSMC the most promising company exhibiting in the short hallway. After Intel and Samsung, TSMC (Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Corporation) is the 3rd largest semiconductor manufacturer in the world . Even despite the language issues, they seemed interested in me.

At the end of last year, as I returned from the same trip, I am embarking upon now. I had really thought this would be my last season here in Boston. I had the job there in Shanghai at SMIC, all I had to do was follow up on it. Now it's mid-April, and a booth at a job fair at TSMC, SMIC's competitor in China, and it has got my mind thinking again, "Have I missed something?"

Perhaps it's worth the risk to follow up and pursue this. Yet, the more I think about it, the more misgivings I have. I think it was you who told me sometimes you need to put your fears aside, and simply commit. The one thing I heard this week is a calling involves a great deal of faith in the unknown, and the uncertain.

My mind thinks I should have left by now, yet somehow I'm stuck here in Boston, the more I think about leaving, the more compelling reasons I find to stay . So part of the reason for going is a reminder, that I should keep my eyes focused on going to China.

So that's my prayer for this trip, that somehow I'll feel comfortable, and at ease. The anxiety and the longings for comfort will change to the longings for where I think God is calling me.

Last year's China Trip